tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9154066149083198636.post6719225607031973166..comments2019-06-07T12:00:23.797-07:00Comments on Wildflowers~: More Advice For Yet Another Young WomanEmily Pearsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05575512268402382364noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9154066149083198636.post-56630590494621499132009-12-29T20:57:37.402-08:002009-12-29T20:57:37.402-08:00I congratulate, it seems magnificent idea to me is...I congratulate, it seems magnificent idea to me isAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9154066149083198636.post-17909112951062277392009-02-16T12:07:00.000-08:002009-02-16T12:07:00.000-08:00I agree with anonymous--I don't know if I made it ...I agree with anonymous--I don't know if I made it clear--but I could have written this exact story 26 years ago AND IF YOU READ my journal from then, you would see the same ALMOST EXACT story (except maybe my ex's dad didn't run off with another woman--though maybe should have). I said the same thing about "maybe a long time in the future." You do get sucked into the secret aspect of it and you become codependent. This isn't healthy. You can't save him because HE DOESN'T NEED TO BE SAVED. He needs to learn to love himself just as he is--love him for what he is--GAY. It was the turning point for me and my ex. If you ask him to change or anyone does--you are denying a very basic part of him. What you are asking him to do is to cease to exist.cl2https://www.blogger.com/profile/01066298828128950609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9154066149083198636.post-82363158559100041012009-02-15T18:27:00.000-08:002009-02-15T18:27:00.000-08:00Hi Laurie,The last thing I want to do is invalidat...Hi Laurie,<BR/><BR/>The last thing I want to do is invalidate how you're feeling, because what you're going through is so very real. What I hope you realize is that your story is not unique. There are so many of us who have been exactly where you are. <BR/><BR/>I am sorry for your struggle, and I hope you find some peace through this blog.<BR/><BR/>Take care of yourself. You will get lost in your friends struggle because it is so big. His needs will always be bigger than yours, and unless YOU take care of yourself, you will be left behind.<BR/><BR/>He says now that he doesn't think he is completely gay. Remember that coming to accept his sexuality can take a very, very long time. This isn't something he wants. He is most likely lying to himself, and you will be collateral damage of that lie. He blames his father now, but eventually he will not be able to, and the truth will be that he is gay, and it's nobody's fault. It just is.<BR/><BR/>His attractions will only get stronger with time. Marriage will not make it go away or lessen. Not kids, not a loving wife nor a promise of eternal salvation will make them go away or keep them from growing. Even if he has some attraction for women, he will most likely(and probably already does) prefer men to women.<BR/><BR/>Laurie, it is not your responsibility to save him. There are support groups and others who can help him through this particular "trial", if that is how he decides to live, as a gay active Mormon. You have a life to live. Be his friend? Yes, of course. But do it carefully! Look at how much this has affected you already. You may only be beginning to understand the burden that it is to "keep his secret". That burden will only become heavier, and you will go down with it.<BR/><BR/>You tell us not to fear, that the thought of marriage is far from your thoughts. But you did mention that you consider the possibility of it in the future. I would normally be neutral and tell you only you know what is right, but I can't do it. I can't lead you into the fire. Please, please do not marry him. <BR/><BR/>XOXOAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9154066149083198636.post-22178050278754919802009-02-14T13:45:00.000-08:002009-02-14T13:45:00.000-08:00Is this where I left another comment about my husb...Is this where I left another comment about my husband saving me, too?<BR/><BR/>What I believe these days is that if we get these stories out in public and educate people (hahahahaha--like they'll listen--but some will), that gay men and straight women will come to realize they can be GREAT FRIENDS--that we can be empathetic, caring friends with each other as I think that we all need each other.<BR/><BR/>In my situation (26 years ago)--I had let the love of my life slip through my fingers because of mormonism. I had a lot of hangups and crazy ideas about relationships because of mormonism. I truly believe the only reason I got out of mormonism and learned to embrace the love I found 30 years ago (I had a lot of time to think before he came back into my life) is because of the gay issue. The church being true or not can live or die on this one issue--because whether we want to believe it or not, we were all used as lab rats. <BR/><BR/>The gay issue got me out of the church. So be it. I just hope it doesn't have to be that way for anyone else. Having this issue in my life has taught me a lot. I just hope the lessons don't have to be re-learned and re-learned because everyone continues to deny the LDS church is wrong on this issue. It is a travesty.cl2https://www.blogger.com/profile/01066298828128950609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9154066149083198636.post-61502271513809789902009-02-14T11:25:00.000-08:002009-02-14T11:25:00.000-08:00Do they all do it the same way? Wouldn't it be so...Do they all do it the same way? Wouldn't it be so much easier to just go out and find someone to love? My husband seemed to want the "dream" the LDS church offers more than I did--the home, kids, little picket fence. Do they always have to take a woman along for the ride? I heard the same kind of statements from my ex that this girl says her boyfriend used.<BR/><BR/>I'm not going to apologize to those who are still mormon--any gay needs to get away from the church. These marriages are doomed and, if they do stay together, they are in for a hell of a ride. <BR/><BR/>All this suffering--for what purpose? I do believe that my ex was brought into my life--so we together could figure out the church was a farce. Not only did I save him--he saved me. We walked away from the insanity that the LDS church teaches about gays. If for no other reason in the entire world that I now know the LDS church is WRONG--this one thing would do it.cl2https://www.blogger.com/profile/01066298828128950609noreply@blogger.com